


Two Birds and a Baby

by GretaOto



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: AU, Actually crack this time not angst I promise, Crack, F/M, Flamingos, Fluff, M/M, Woodland Park Zoo, well maybe just a paragraph or two of angst because I can't help myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:39:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3966454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GretaOto/pseuds/GretaOto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Eames are flamingos. They attempt to raise an egg together. Just as cracky as it sounds on the label.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Birds and a Baby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [earlgreytea68](https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreytea68/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The One Where They're Both Flamingos...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/152005) by [Torra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torra/pseuds/Torra). 



> This is an immediate sequel to "[The One Where They're Both Flamingos..."](archiveofourown.org/works/152005). Read that one first, or this won't make much sense.

"This is Keeper Yusuf, over in the Temperate Forest."

"Go ahead, Yusuf."

"Sir, I think the flamingos are at it again."

Saito groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Which flamingos, and what are they doing?"

"The, uh, you know which ones. I'm pretty sure they stole someone's egg again. The big fluffy one is sitting on a nest looking very smug, and the vain one is preening himself happily nearby."

"Yusuf, how many times have I told you, don't anthropomorphize the animals? I will meet you at the exhibit at closing time. In the meantime, see if you can figure out which pair is missing their egg."

Saito set down his walkie-talkie and allowed himself a few moments to groan, head in hands. Sometimes, he wished he weren't the head zookeeper, when he had to deal with odd crises like this, especially when his staff seemed unable to figure out what to do on their own. This wasn’t the first time the zoo’s gay flamingo couple had stolen an egg from another pair. Saito personally thought they were adorable, and would let them keep the eggs, but the zoo did have certain breeding responsibilities to uphold.

\--

"So, whose egg did they steal this time?"

Yusuf wrung his hands nervously. If he weren't so tan, be probably would have been blushing.

"That's just it Saito, uh, sir. None are missing. We had six successful breeding pairs this season, and all six eggs are accounted for. Are you sure we sexed these two correctly?"

Saito raised a single eyebrow. " _Quite_ sure," he replied frostily. 

"Well, then where did the egg come from?"

"There's only one way to find out," Saito stated, unlocking the back door into the exhibit.

It took a considerable amount of gentle shushing from both men to finally coax the two birds away from their mud-and-feather nest.

"Huh," said Saito, staring at the single egg.

"Isn't that a bit... small?" asked Yusuf.

"Indeed. And it is speckled. Flamingo eggs should be creamy white," he added for the benefit of his protégé.

"So... what kind of egg is it then?"

Saito looked puzzled. "I would swear that looks like a Humboldt penguin egg. But how would a flamingo get to the penguin exhibit and back without getting caught?"

Both men continued to stare at it in silence, utterly perplexed. The two flamingos stood a short distance away, feathers bristled in agitation.

"Well, we can't let them keep it," Saito finally sighed. "Even if they did manage to hatch it, they would never be able to rear the thing or teach it how to fish."

Yusuf stepped forward and gently plucked up the egg, cradling it carefully in his large hands.

"Keep an eye on the other flamingo pairs this season," Saito added. "If these boys are this keen on raising a chick, give them any neglected eggs you see. They deserve just as much of a chance as any bird to have a family."

\--

After the two men left, Arthur and Eames stared mournfully at their now-empty nest. Eames' head drooped in disappointment. Arthur leaned over and preened his mate's long neck comfortingly.

"I know you were excited about our besuited chick, love, but just think, this is probably for the best. After all, we don't know anything about catching fish, and I don't think penguins can subsist on brine shrimp and algae like we can," Arthur soothed

Eames looked up at him mournfully. "You're always so logical, darling, I'm sure you're right. I just wanted to have a family with you, to show you how much you mean to me."

"And it means a lot to me, you know that. Now come on, I think they left us some fresh shrimp, maybe a nice romantic dinner would cheer you up? And then you can show me the new steps for our mating dance that you were talking about."

\--

Yusuf kept a close eye on the flamingo exhibit for the next several days. The gay pair was a little quieter than normal, but they weren't making any more attempts on other nests, at least. He hadn't spent much time around birds before coming to the zoo - his background was in chemistry, after all - but he was starting to be able to tell the flamingos apart, despite their near-identical pink and black coloring. The elegant one and her slightly dumpy mate were well on their way to their second chick. Most of the others were first-time parents, so it was hard to tell. But there was that one pair in the back that he was concerned about. They couldn't seem to coordinate who would incubate when, and more than once he had seen their egg left unattended for long periods of time.

When it happened the third time, he decided to act. With Saito's instructions ringing in his ears, Yusuf slipped into the exhibit. Fortunately it was a weekday, so no families or children were around to ask about what he was doing.

With both birds away at the feeding stations, it was the work of a moment for Yusuf to slip in, grab their egg from the unattended nest, and walk quietly over towards the gay pair. Despite losing their (thieved) egg over a week prior, they had never fully abandoned their nesting site. He whistled gently, to get their attention, and then carefully, with exaggerated motions, set the egg down in their nest and stepped back. 

The birds stared at him, wide-eyed. 

Finally one of them (the handsome one, Yusuf thought - always preening, but he had the most fabulously pink feathers out of the entire flock, so his vanity was completely justified), stepped cautiously towards the nest. He bent down, and prodded at the egg with his beak. Then he looked back at his partner and made a soft little warbling sound that Yusuf had never heard a flamingo make before. The other one (a little beefier, with some unique black mottling on his wings, almost reminded Yusuf of tattoos) warbled back. The first one nodded (Yusuf couldn't help anthropmorphizing, despite Saito's repeated instructions) and settled gently down onto the nest. His mate came over and began preening his wings tenderly.

Yusuf decided it was time to go.

\--

"Did... did that just happen?" Arthur asked incredulously from his perch atop their nest. "I mean, I know Nash and his mate aren't the best parents but... did the zookeeper seriously just steal his egg and give it to us?"

"He did," Eames replied, voice full of pride. "And we will be better parents than that lackwit ever could be. He'll probably be glad it's gone, if he even notices."

"But Eames, we don't actually know anything about hatching an egg or raising a chick. We've never done it before. We don't have the biology for it!"

"Shh, darling, we will be fine. It's all instinct. After all, if Dom can figure out how to do it, so can we. He and Mal raised little Phillipa just fine, and they're expecting another chick this season."

Arthur leaned his head against Eames' broad wings. "If you say so, then I trust you. There's no one else I would rather try and raise a chick with than you."

\--

(three weeks later)

Arthur was over at the furthest feeding station when it happened. 

"Arthur, Arthur, come quick!"

Eames' frantic squawking could be heard from the other end of the exhibit. It could probably be heard at the other end of the zoo, Arthur thought, as he rushed over, his long legs making short work of the distance.

"What's wrong?" he called out, as soon as he was in sight of the nest. Eames was standing over it, staring down, feathers fluffed to their maximum in a jumble of emotions.

"It moved!" Eames cried in agitation. "It moved, and then it stopped, and then it moved again, and now it's making noises!"

Arthur laughed, and wrapped his neck around his mate's. "It's hatching, Eames. Our child is hatching. We did it, somehow, and today we are going to meet our child. And it's all thanks to you and your harebrained schemes."

Eames settled down, slightly mollified.

There was a sudden cracking noise, and both birds jumped as a small hole appeared in the shell, the tip of a beak poking out.

"Shouldn't we help it?" Eames cried. "What if it’s stuck?"

"It will be fine," Arthur reassured him. "I've been talking to Mal. It's better for their development if they fight their own way out. Don't worry, he - or she - will be just fine."

They watched, one anxious, one just as anxious but hiding it better, as a web of cracks grew across the textured shell, until finally, with one last great crack, a downy ball of fluff rolled out of its former prison into the great wide world.

Eames stared in horror.

"Arthur, I think we did it wrong," he whispered, eyes wide.

The chick righted itself, and stared up at its daddies. It wobbled only slightly on its long, slate-colored legs, extending stubby grey wings for balance, then opened its short, straight beak and let out a demanding squawk.

"It doesn't look anything like us, Arthur! It's not pink! Where are its wings? Look at i's beak, I'll never be able to teach it to feed with a beak like that! What did we do wrong?"

Eames looked frantically over at his mate. Arthur was doubled over in laughter.

"No, no," Arthur wheezed, flapping in wings as he tried to calm down. "Haven't you paid any attention? Don't you remember Mal introducing little James last week? They all look like this to start out."

Eames just looked affronted.

"It's fine," Arthur reassured again. "She's perfect. Go on, say hi to our daughter."

Eames settled his feathers, then looked more closely at the ball of grey fluff in their nest. Despite not looking anything like he expected, she really was quite delicate and beautiful. Her downy feathers were the color of the sky in the winter, her legs looked like storm clouds before the rain. Her stubby beak and gangly legs held just the faintest tinge of pink, a hint of the fiery color they would take on when she grew up.

Eames melted. This was Arthur's daughter, _their_ daughter, and Eames was instantly, totally, irrevocably in love.

"She is perfect," Eames whispered. "What should we call her?"

The little chick squawked again, more insistently. Arthur coughed up a beakful of bright pink crop milk, which their daughter eagerly gobbled down before settling down, sleepy from the long morning of being born.

Arthur delicately picked the bits of eggshell out from around her before carefully nestling down on top, making sure that she was settled and warm in his feathers before answering.

"Well, since we had such a labyrinthine time to get here, I thought her name should reflect that. What do you think of Ariadne?"

Eames folded his long limbs and settled neatly beside his mate and new daughter.

"I think it's beautiful. Just like her."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Two Birds and a Baby](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4663185) by [flosculatory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flosculatory/pseuds/flosculatory)




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